This is my first Season of Giving, my first Kwanzaa, and my first New Year without my oldest son, Olumuyiwa Ade Keen. He died on May 2, 2017. Not one day has gone by in which I haven’t felt his loss—a loss that constantly feels like the truckload of bricks that were dumped on me are relentlessly crushing me.

Needless to say, Ade’s death changed me. The person I thought I was instantly changed the second he died. Knowing what it means to feel the deepest sadness—the kind that flips a parent inside out—is why I will never be the way I was before I lost my son.

 

I confess. I am not over it.  

I confess. I do not feel better.  

I confess. I am still grieving.

I confess. These holidays aren’t merry for me.

I confess. These holidays aren’t happy for me.

 

These holidays have me thinking about all my loved ones who are no longer living on this Earth. I’m deeply missing all of them. However, it is my son that I miss most of all!

 

I love you, Ade! I miss you, Ade! Happy Holidays to you, my son!