But the Helper (Comforter, Advocate, Intercessor—Counselor, Strengthener, Standby), the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name [in My place, to represent Me and act on My behalf], He will teach you all things. And He will help you remember everything that I have told you. – John 14:26, AMP
Your betrayal nearly hardened my heart
Calcified instead fond episodic memories –
Consciously collected personal events
Stored in temporal lobe.
Imagining possible future experiences
Not achievable since episodic memories’
Self-knowing awareness is inaccessible,
Incapable of roaming at will.
Needing to believe my dreamlike ghostly
Existence isn’t endless just a juxtaposition –
Tragedy and comedy placed side by side to
Accentuate both my sadness and foolishness –
I seek the answers to these mysterious and
Unexplainable human psyche extremes that
Pull and stretch my mind’s corridors of time.
Hoping to sidestep eternal unawareness,
I pray for a softening with time my mind’s
Repressive future until it allows petrified
Explicit memories to melt.
Let me consciously recall every pleasant
Highly emotional date, place, experience
Containing sentimental value so that my
Hope for a future is restored. - composed March 18, 2021
But the fruit of the Ruach is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control—against such things there is no law. Now those who belong to Messiah have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.
If we live by the Ruach, let us also walk by the Ruach. Let us not become conceited—provoking one another, envying one another. – Galatians 5:22-26, TLV
It has been years since I last saw Aunt Eleanor, which was on January 13, 2007. She was back in Wilkes-Barre on that day to say her final goodbyes to a sister who helped raise her – my Mom, Lucille Wade-Drayton.
The last thing I heard my Mom say about Aunt Eleanor was how powerfully she prayed for Mom. This prayer happened some weeks before Mom died peacefully in Geisinger Wyoming Valley Medical Center. So, what stands out the most when I think about my Aunt Eleanor, is that she was an evangelist, a pulpit preacher, and a prayer warrior.
She also was very sweet and soft-spoken, and these two things I realized about her when I saw her on January 13, 2007. While I was sitting in Mount Zion Church’s multipurpose room – where the family had gathered before my Mom’s homegoing service started – Aunt Eleanor came close to me, commented on how much I looked like my Mom, told me she had heard some great things about me during her frequent talks with my Mom, told me how sorry she was about my loss, and gave me a big hug and a sweet kiss on my right cheek.
Most of what I know about my Aunt Eleanor I learned from my Mom because my aunt lived in Chicago while I was growing up in Wilkes-Barre, so I rarely saw her. Nevertheless, I do have some things that I liked the most about her because they are things we have in common.
The first thing I like about Aunt Eleanor is how deeply she loved YeHoVaH. As I already mentioned, she was a preacher and an evangelist; however, what I recently learned is that she preached the Gospel of Yeshua every 4th Sunday, and she evangelized on the streets wherever she went, up until the end of her life. That information inspired me, as I am a preacher and evangelist, too.
Like me, Aunt Eleanor also experienced the loss of a child. She lost her son, Franky, in 2013, and I lost my son, Ade, in 2017. But what is most important is that none of her losses kept her from doing what YeHoVaH called her to do. It is my prayer that someone one day will say the same thing about me.
“Godly Woman” is the poem that I have dedicated to my Aunt Eleanor who was a godly woman. I finished writing this poem just a few minutes before I posted it here. This poem is my tribute to an aunt I rarely saw or spoke to, yet I know more about her than I know about my aunts I did see and did talk with more. The poem I wrote is as follows:
Godly WomanSome people you can know for years,
Yet not know the real them;
Other people you can know of but neverSpend much time with them,Yet know their spirits and their souls.Aunt Eleanor is an old soul who displayedWisdom and special talents in her youth;Her sage-like qualities put her in a worldOf her own – peerless vision mom noticedAbout her when she was just a teenager,Exhibiting a special talent – an empatheticFlair to connect with people – spiritualityToo hard to ignore, as was her giving gift.She consoled others even when she hurt,She lifted her head and walked in turmoil;She spoke constant words of wisdom – notMalice, or envy, or gossip, or resentment;She rejoiced in YeHoVaH with a gratefulSpirit and joyful one that inspired womenLike me – her niece – who saw in my auntStrength to carry others’ burdens, courageTo take the fall for someone else’s misdeeds,Love to pray powerfully and compassionatelyFor others with heavy-laden heart, gentlenessTo admire other women and compliment themGenuinely, humility to admit she was wrong orAdmit she needs help, peace to help her endureEvil words and actions from haters, kindnessTo be friendly and considerate to everyone,Faithfulness to be generous enough to blessOthers with the things she needs, patienceTo wait on YeHoVaH’s Promises, joyfulnessTo praise and worship YeHoVaH in times ofTrouble and comfort, and self-control to loveHer enemies and her neighbors as she lovedHerself – and to serve others.Aunt Eleanor’s life typifies that godliness that’s inPeople who are so full of The Spirit’s Fruit, Power,Authority they’re able to spiritually and faithfullyWalk on water, raise the dead, and feed thousands.
- Composed September 1, 2020
Rest In Peace, Aunt Eleanor!
Lastly, the funeral services for my aunt, Eleanor Wade Goins, will be next Friday, September 11th, at Taylor Funeral Home located at 63 E. 79th Street in Chicago, IL 60619. The wake is at 11am, and the homegoing service is at 12 noon.
After you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace—who has called you into His eternal glory in Messiah—will Himself restore, support, strengthen, and establish you. – 1 Peter 5:10, TLV
If he didn’t want you,
Forgive his green-eyed stares
Watching you from aDistance now as your blossoming
Lotus petals open inSpite of the mud he thoughtHe smothered you in –Pain so deep and dark washedOff by murky dirty waterThat ironically re-created you unsoiled.
He’s threatened by theBeauty that broke through theHeartache his rejectionPrompted – an ill-fated decision
Resulting from his lustOf flesh and eyes that failed toDiscern the grass is onlyGreener wherever it is watered –So, he left instead ofWorking on turning green the meadowHe now covets, afterDevaluing and dismissing your potential.
Jealousy, a soul-devouringSickness, lays dormant until he seesHow you emerged spotlessOn the outside and strong on the inside
While outwardly he fakesFeelings meant for you and inwardly pines,
So afraid to use the remedyHe once used – surrendered pride and joyFor pride and joy he thoughtLooked better on the other side of the fence.
He refuses to grab hold of
Hard to express feelings that are eating a
Hole in his sad soul and in
His ever-bleeding heart that knows you’re
His true love and she is
His first aid quick fix that never helped him
Heal self-inflicted wound –Hastily divorcing then remarrying becauseHe promised her, yet forgotHe promised you first ‘til death do we part.If he didn’t see you asSoulmate then, just forgive his
Blindness and egotismThat make him want the new youWho remarkably grewThrough his mud toward the light,Warmth, and splendorIn the grass he was searching for When he settled for anImitation – a forlorn decision that Foreclosed any possibility
He’d realize your anchored strengthAnd flexibility often lookFragile on the surface but are why youRose through adversity andBlossomed so strongly and stunningly.
- composed August 17, 2020
Alongside Babylon’s rivers we sat on the banks; we cried and cried, remembering the good old days in Zion. Alongside the quaking aspens we stacked our unplayed harps; That’s where our captors demanded songs, sarcastic and mocking: “Sing us a happy Zion song!” – Psalm 137:1-3, MSG
A keyless, noteless, lyriclessChanson is known only by itsAnnual wedding anniversaries –Twenty-two sequential somberReturns out of fifty minus one.August thirteen’s forty-ninthReturn reopens invisible chronicWounds then heightens their painWhile displacing summer nuptials’Joy – much like how a Blues styleSyncopation de-emphasizes strongBeats and accentuates weak beats.La-la stopped meaning ‘love you’Three decades, three months afterDelfonics earned a place on Soul’sInternational map with baby talk –A young male’s frequent utterance.Life has repositioned love’s dynamicDownbeat – relocated to an upbeatSpot known as the joke’s on me –Where misery’s stereophonic soundDrowns out all hope of loving anew.Sorrow is the song my soul hasSung each year for a score plusTwo years – after my divorce,Which unleashed a whirlwind ofEmotions that mark my life as aSad survivor of a modern tragedy.
- composed August 13, 2020
but they allow the cares of this life and the seduction of wealth and the desires for other things to crowd out and choke the Word so that it produces nothing. – Mark 4:19, TPT
There will be such an increase of sin and lawlessness that those whose hearts once burned with passion for God and others will grow cold. – Matthew 24:12, TPT
I am suffocating
In America’s excruciating
Knee on neck violent
Has policing technique trending
While black lives keep dwindling.
I can’t breathe
Pinned to ground
In lethal chokehold –
Publicly executed.Excessive force
Used in untold cases
Where black lives
Not resisting arrest
Still lost their lives.Can’t breathe black mothers,
Nay, all sisters and brothers
Are waiting to respire
Once injustices backfire,
Triggering an exorcism
Of systemic racism –
Domestic terrorism –
Topped off with a strangulation,
Ensuring black lives’ liberation.- composed June 16, 2020
25 He replied, “I know nothing about that one way or the other. But I know one thing for sure: I was blind . . . I now see.”
26 They said, “What did he do to you? How did he open your eyes?”
27 “I’ve told you over and over and you haven’t listened. Why do you want to hear it again? Are you so eager to become his disciples?”
28-29 With that they jumped all over him. “You might be a disciple of that man, but we’re disciples of Moses. We know for sure that God spoke to Moses, but we have no idea where this man even comes from.”
30-33 The man replied, “This is amazing! You claim to know nothing about him, but the fact is, he opened my eyes! It’s well known that God isn’t at the beck and call of sinners, but listens carefully to anyone who lives in reverence and does his will. That someone opened the eyes of a man born blind has never been heard of—ever. If this man didn’t come from God, he wouldn’t be able to do anything.”
34 They said, “You’re nothing but dirt! How dare you take that tone with us!” Then they threw him out in the street. – John 9:25-34, MSG
As the new year and new decade begin, they also activate a new season – one in which our vision will have the potential of functioning with normal sharpness (perfect discernment, righteous judgment, and godly spirituality). Starting this month, let us repeatedly make a conscious effort to not let only our hindsight be twenty-twenty. Let us strive to make sure that our foresight (prudence, wisdom, insight) also has normal sharpness.
I composed the below poem in 2000. I first posted it as a blog entry on January 9, 2009, and I first published it in 2017 in a collection of poetry titled My Spirit’s Musings.
Approximately 20 years after I composed this poem, almost 11 years after I blogged this poem, and practically 2 years after I first published “Vision” in a book of poetry, I am blogging it again. Additionally, “Vision” is included in my Moody Woman poetry anthology that will be published this month.
HAPPY NEW YEAR! HAPPY NEW DECADE! HAPPY NEW SEASON!
I publishedMoody Woman: A Collection of Poetry on January 12, 2020. This book is my fifth published book – my third poetry anthology. This book — in paperback and eBook formats — is sold on Amazon.com. Right now, both formats are available to purchase.
There are limericks. free verses, lyrics. sonnets, couplets, concrete poems, and haiku poems in this anthology. Additionally, Moody Woman is comprised of material composed over six decades — from the 1960s and forward.
I composed this poem on December 8, 2019,after seeing so many Christmas postings in my Facebook newsfeed that professed Christians posted. It is hard to believe that – in this twenty-first century – so many who declare they are Christians are still kicking against the goads (are still refusing to hear YeHoVah’s Voice about not following/not keeping the traditions of men). They have closed their souls and their ears to His Truth – choosing to be unfaithful to His Will and His Ways. Perhaps the real problem is that they are Christians instead of Netzarim (faithful servants/disciples/saints of Yeshua).
By stubbornly refusing to obey YeHoVaH, Christmas celebrators and believers are driving their individual goad in deeper and deeper. Choosing to be unfaithful to YeHoVaH’s Divine Truth, by rejecting the Holy Spirit’s teaching/revealing, causes the necessary pain that comes from His Discipline, which eventually will happen to them, if it hasn’t already begun. Selah . . . .
Why would you be so stubborn as to close your hearts and your ears to me? You are always opposing the Holy Spirit, just like your forefathers! – Acts 7:51, TPT
you down in the dumps, dear soul? Why are you crying the blues?
my eyes on God— soon I’ll be praising again.
puts a smile on my face. He’s my God.
soul is in the dumps, I rehearse everything I know of you,
Jordan depths to Hermon heights, including Mount Mizar.
calls to chaos, to the tune of whitewater
breaking surf, your thundering breakers crash and crush me.
Then God promises to love me all day, sing songs all through the
night! My life is God’s prayer.
– Psalm 42:5-8, MSG
is my birthday month, and I was born on the 6th of this month. Now,
everyone who has ever shared descriptions of early March-born individuals’
temperamental differences with me has always said early March-born individuals
are as follows: the most difficult people to understand and the moodiest
people. These two truths about my nature, as well as other truths, are why I
equate my temperamental differences – my changing nature or mood swings – to
Mother Nature’s changing weather. Just like Mother Nature’s weather can be
stormy, dreary, cloudy, sunny, hot, warm, cold, freezing, cool, rainy, dry,
humid, windy, and so forth, the same is true about my “inside weather” – my
soulish nature’s weather. However, the main difference between my soulish
nature’s weather shifts (changing dispositions) and Mother Nature’s weather
shifts is that there usually aren’t any clear warning signs – no accurate
forecasts – that will let people know when a change in my “inside weather” will
Now, I have always believed
that God gave us our feelings – our various emotions – for us to use as gauges
and not as guides. What I mean is that God designed us in such a way that it is
our beliefs that should govern our feelings/emotions. For sure, it is our beliefs
that map out our thinking, and we eventually express what we believe and think
through our emotions. These emotional manifestations of our beliefs and our
thinking are our “inside weather” – our mood swings. Since our moods don’t come
out of nowhere, we who are believers in Christ must never allow our moods to
alter what we believe. If we truly believe we live by faith, then this belief
should govern our emotions and keep them from manipulating us and others.
my moodiness (unpredictable mood changes) never manifested as angry outbursts
that happened several times a week. For sure, my moodiness never involved
uncontrollable verbal rages and physical aggression. The kind of “inside
weather” changes I experienced never made me psychotically depressed – depressed
to the point that I contemplated suicide. To the best of my knowledge, I also
never manipulatively used my “inside weather” – my
mood changes – to control others. In other words, not
one of my so-called “bad moods” was ever intentionally leveraged as a weapon
used to force others to do what I wanted them to do. Some people might have
felt like that was what my moodiness was doing, but I never calculatedly
bullied, oppressed, or forced anyone to oblige me by doing my bidding.
to the more depressive and crueler kinds of moodiness, mine has always been
rather mild. In fact, the best definition of moody, as it pertained to what my
family and friends called me, as well as pertains to what I refer to as my “inside
weather,” has always meant the varied ways I expressed my feelings.
became my main way of communicating how I was living with my accepted truth – my
moodiness helped make me a difficult woman to understand. Since I was a child,
poetry was the one writing form I have repeatedly used to show my changing
feelings. However, over the years, whenever someone whose opinion I respected didn’t
like a poem I had written, I would stop believing in myself as a poet and, as a
result, I would stop writing poetry. My longest period in which I wasn’t creating
any poetry was from 1969 to 1978.
the late 1980s, when I was working on my Ph.D. degree at Howard University, someone
encouraged me to enter some of my poems in a contest. That someone was my
African-American Poetry class’ professor. She encouraged her entire class to submit
at least one poem to the Howard University’s Poetry Contest (sponsored by The
Academy of American Poets). Because I felt that none of my poems that were more
than two stanzas would stand a chance, I submitted a quatrain that I composed
in 1984. I selected that poem because I was sure it wouldn’t win, as I did not
consider this poem to be one of my better ones. Surprisingly, that poem
(“Pebbles”) received an honorable mention, and that honorable mention made me
believe in myself as a poet, again.
Fast forward to 2017. That is the year I started compiling the poems that are in my soon-to-be-published Moody Woman anthology. In this poetry collection, there are many poems that have never been published – poems I composed in the 1960s, 1970s, 1980s, 1990s, and early 2000s. These poems are mixed in with other poems I composed during the twenty-first century – most of which also have never been published.
poem in my soon-to-be-published Moody
Woman anthology reflects the particular mood I was in when I composed
each one. In this collection of poetry, I poetically describe my romantic,
melancholy, humorous, mysterious, spiritual, peaceful, cheerful, and chaotic
moods as though they are natural. In other words, my poetry is being used to express
my “inside weather” – my mood swings. Therefore, every poem in this collection
most definitely is my way of rejecting the widely accepted notion that
moodiness is an unhealthy pathological condition.
I will update this blog
posting with the date when my Moody Woman anthology becomes a published book,
and I will note where it can be purchased. It is my hope that everyone who is a
poetry lover who also reads this posting will at least consider purchasing my
collection of poetry. However, if supporting my work by buying my book isn’t possible,
everyone’s sincere and kind prayers will be greatly appreciated. Shalom . . . . .
keep your thoughts continually fixed on all that is authentic and real,
honorable and admirable, beautiful and respectful, pure and holy, merciful and
kind. And fasten your thoughts on every glorious work of God, praising
him always. – Philippians 4:8, TPT
It felt so good to finally give my Moody Woman manuscript to my publisher on September 3, 2019. I don’t know why I was dragging my feet with it, as all I was doing was giving it one last reading. Hopefully, by early October 2019, I should have my fifth published book – Moody Woman– which will contain nearly 450 poems.
a nutshell, Moody Woman is a collection of diverse poetic forms. There
are many free verse, couplet, and haiku poems in this anthology, as well as some concrete poems (a.k.a., shape poems),
limericks, lyric poems, and a few sonnets – Petrarchan and Shakespearean. Many
of these poems have never been published. Furthermore, most of the poems that are
from my other two published poetry collections have been slightly tweaked.
Additionally, in Moody Woman, I poetically describe my romantic, melancholy, humorous, mysterious, spiritual, peaceful, cheerful, and chaotic moods as though they are natural. By doing so, I am rejecting the widely accepted notion that moodiness – inside weather – is an unhealthy pathological condition. That’s right! Most of the poems in Moody Woman paint pictures of my mood swings.
I am thanking every person, in advance, who reads this posting and then later purchases Moody Woman. Lastly, I pray that God will allow Moody Woman to richly bless each reader. Shalom . . . . .