Pragma—Long-term, Everyday Kind of Marital Love

04 Tuesday Sep 2018

Posted by Rev. Nadine Drayton-Keen in Poetry

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agape, altruistic, caring, compassionate, enduring, Eros, everlasting, everyday love, familial, familiarity, friendship, goodwill, kind, long marriage, loyal, Ludus, Mania, narcissistic, patient, Philautia, Philia, platonic, playful, Pragma, reciprocity, romantic, sacrificial, selfish, selfless, sexual attraction, Storge, ties of filiation, tolerant, unconditional, understading

4 Love is large and incredibly patient. Love is gentle and consistently kind to all. It refuses to be jealous when blessing comes to someone else. Love does not brag about one’s achievements nor inflate its own importance. 5 Love does not traffic in shame and disrespect, nor selfishly seek its own honor. Love is not easily irritated or quick to take offense. 6 Love joyfully celebrates honesty and finds no delight in what is wrong. 7 Love is a safe place of shelter, for it never stops believing the best for others. Love never takes failure as defeat, for it never gives up.

8 Love never stops loving. It extends beyond the gift of prophecy, which eventually fades away. It is more enduring than tongues, which will one day fall silent. Love remains long after words of knowledge are forgotten. ~ 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, TPT

Father, Son, and Spirit love me
This I know;
But, godly love differs from what
Family and friends show.

I’ve known all too well humanity’s
Distinctive loves;
Natural, instinctual, familial – storgē,
That fits like gloves;
Friendly, brotherly familiarity – philía,
Full of goodwill;
Healthy/unhealthy self-love – philautía,
Troubling twin bill;
Insatiable, sensual – éros; flirting, teasing – ludus,
Stronger than lust;
Manipulative, controlling, – mania
Obsessively robust.

But, Godhead’s Agápe eclipses familial love,
As storgē is mere fondness—
The type familiarity births, and friendly love
Or philía is deep kindness—
Allegiance associated with companionship,
Dependability and trust;
Agápe outshines storgē and philía because
It’s radical, universal, just;
An altruistic—selfless, non-exclusive—love
That can’t snub anyone;
Free, perfect, blissful, committed love, never
Understated nor overdone;
Agápe seeks no reciprocity or ties of filiation
Craves no fame, pleasure;
Not narcissistic, selfish, platonic or romantic
Produces no puny treasure;
Creates no wrong friendships or relationships
Isn’t a playful love;
Not expressed as sociable banter, laughter, affection
Like puppy love;
Is neither irrational nor sexual, yet it’s intimate
Committed, enduring;
Similar to but different from the pragma kind of love
That is so alluring.

For sure Agápe is unconditional and sacrificial love
That’s practical;
Like pragma, Agápe is dependable and longstanding,
Never cynical;
Arouses hope and desire to make commitment work,
Always responsible.

Father, Son, and Spirit freely given Agápe love
This I know;
Unknown is pragma human love happily married
Couples show;
Compared to sexual attraction, everyday love is
More preponderant;
Favors one another’s qualities, compatibilities—love
Downright tolerant;
Godhead’s superior Agápe is altruistic but pragma
Makes relationships last;
Partners work together for marital permanence,
Emotionally steadfast;
Empathetic, cooperative, caring, selfless human love—
Weathers every forecast.
This I wish I knew.

– by Nadine Drayton Keen, created September 4, 2018

What a Wall Can’t Do

26 Tuesday Jul 2016

Posted by Rev. Nadine Drayton-Keen in National Tragedy

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"Mending Wall", altruistic, America, Americans, barrier, deportation, dismantle, divide families, dividing wall, fair, generous, good neighbors, helpful, human rights, humane, impartial, loving, Mexicans, Mexico, offend, Republicans, Robert Frost, selfless, suppress, Trump regime, undocumented immigrants, unprejudiced, wall in, wall out

For He Himself is our peace, who made both groups into one and broke down the barrier of the dividing wall, by abolishing in His flesh the enmity, which is the Law of commandments contained in ordinances, so that in Himself He might make the two into one newman, thus establishing peace, and might reconcile them both in one body to God through the cross, by it having put to death the enmity. ~ Ephesians 2:14-16, NASB

Every time Trump and his Republican supporters say they are going to build a great wall, I think about one of my favorite poems by Robert Frost. That poem is “Mending Wall.”

There are several lines from this famous dramatic monologue that resonate with me, as well as inspire me to be a better human being, a better communicator, and a better neighbor. Those lines are:

Something there is that doesn’t love a wall,
That sends the frozen-ground-swell under it,
And spills the upper boulders in the sun;
And makes gaps even two can pass abreast. ~ ll. 1-4

Oh, just another kind of outdoor game,
One on a side. It comes to little more:
There where it is we do not need the wall:
He is all pine and I am apple orchard.
My apple trees will never get across
And eat the cones under his pines, I tell him.
He only says, ‘Good fences make good neighbors.’ ~ ll. 21-27

‘Before I built a wall I’d ask to know
What I was walling in or walling out,
And to whom I was like to give offense.
Something there is that doesn’t love a wall,
That wants it down.’… ~ ll. 32-36a

Frost has conveyed my sentiments, exactly. Indeed, just as the world repeatedly said that there was something about the Berlin Wall—for example—and this “something” wanted it down, then it finally came down, the same will be repeatedly said about any wall that Trump and his Republicans might build between our country and the country of Mexico. Hopefully, it will not have to come down, because it will not be built.

At any rate, before the people on both sides of the Berlin Wall started to dismantle their wall with hammers and picks, and before cranes and bulldozers finally pulled down what was left of that wall, the Berlin Wall NEVER completely stopped people from crossing the border from East to West. I believe the same will be true of any wall that might be built between America and Mexico. It won’t stop Mexicans from illegally crossing the border into America! Where there’s a will, there always is a way!

The bottom line is that the Berlin Wall divided families and neighborhoods and suppressed human rights. A wall between America and Mexico will do the same things. Therefore, if America is going to build a wall, then all Americans need to ask themselves: What and who are we are really “walling in or walling out”? Who will our wall “offend”?

Human nature and Mother Nature being what they are, we can be sure that there always will be ‘someone’ and ‘something’ that won’t like a wall. This truth is why I pray that all of the loving, altruistic, humane, generous, and just Americans not only will speak out against this proposed wall but also will do WHATEVER is necessary to guarantee that this proposed wall never gets built. It will be a tragedy if it is erected. Why?

Building a great wall along the border between America and Mexico—a great wall that will be 1,989 miles long—will be a tragedy because this wall will divide families and suppress the human rights of the undocumented immigrants (in this case, the Mexicans) now living in America who, under a Trump regime, most definitely will get deported—will be sent back to Mexico. For this reason, it is futile to think that said proposed wall will ever be able to “mend” (repair what is broken in) America.

The uncomfortable truth is that not even a “good wall” will make us—Americans and Mexicans—“good neighbors” who are peaceful, loving, caring, fair, unprejudiced, helpful, selfless, and impartial. Only the Holy Spirit of God can develop and perfect these characteristics in us!

Agápe Each Other!

22 Thursday Aug 2013

Posted by Rev. Nadine Drayton-Keen in Spiritual

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

agape, altruistic, endures insults and injuries, God's Love, Good Samaritan, kind, long-suffering, patient, self-denying, self-sacrifice, selfless, supportive, unconditional

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. ~ John 3:16, ESV

A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another. ~ John 13:34-35, ESV

Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. ~ John 15:13, ESV

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends… ~ 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, ESV

The main way that agápe differs with the other kinds of love that are in this world is that agápe means self-sacrifice. Thus, when God commands us to show agápe love, He is telling us to show His nature and His character—God is love (cf. 1 John 4:8, ESV). Put differently, just like God demonstrated His agápe love for us when He sent His son into this world to die for us, and just like Christ Jesus demonstrated His agápe love for us by willingly dying on the cross in our place, God is demanding that we love each other the same way—sacrificially (altruistically), unselfishly putting other people and their needs first (read about sacrificial love in the parable of the Good Samaritan in Luke 10:25-37, ESV).

Love doesn’t get any nobler than agápe. For sure, agápe is the highest type of love there is. No other kind of love can come close to God’s unconditional, self-denying, long-suffering, kind, and supportive type of love. Also there is no other type of earthly love that can come close to being the kind of love we are commanded to show our God and all mankind, which means even our enemies are included in every love command (see Matthew 5:44; Matthew 22:37-39).

Furthermore, very few people would die for an enemy, let alone for people they love with a lesser kind of love than agápe. Yet, this is exactly what God’s agápe has moved Him to do. We were sinners, rebels, children of the devil and thus enemies of God who didn’t deserve to be redeemed. For this reason, we not only are to sacrifice our good for the good of our brothers and sisters in Christ, but also we are to sacrifice our good for the greater good—for the good of all mankind.

In addition to the self-sacrifice meaning, agápe also means long-sufferance. In other words, agápe is patient. It takes a person with agápe love a very long time to get angry. In the case of loving one’s enemy, the person who has agápe love endures insults and injuries while patiently attempting to win over his or her adversary.

Agápe also means kindness. When a person is kind to others, he or she usually is demonstrating true compassion and/or tenderness, as well as being sincerely generous and/or friendly. For sure, kindness holds in check every kind of abuse. Thus, when any Scripture tells us that we are to be kind to every person, that Word of God only is reiterating that we must agápe each other—show love to everybody.

Agápe also means support (it bears all things; puts up with anything). The person who has agápe love is supportive either by being slow to expose the sins and mistakes of others or, figuratively speaking, by standing under the person who has fallen or who is in trouble and lifting that individual up with encouragement and help.

Since agápe means self-sacrifice, long-sufferance, kindness, and support, the person who displays agápe love definitely will not be envious, boastful, arrogant, rude, self-centered (always “me” first), cantankerous (easy to provoke), or resentful/bitter (a recorder or keeper of other people’s sins and/or the hurts they cause). Additionally, this person who has agápe love won’t rejoice in what’s wrong but will rejoice in the truth. Ultimately, because the person who is displaying agápe love also is demonstrating the God kind of Trust (gives the benefit of the doubt; believes all things; always trusts God), is demonstrating the God kind of Hope (has the highest expectations; hopes all things), and is demonstrating the God kind of Determination (never gives up; endures all things; never looks back), as a result, the agápe love this person shows others is the kind of love that keeps going until the end—never fades, never becomes obsolete, and never is done/finished.

The bottom line is that it takes God pouring into us His agápe love before we ever would be able to release agápe love to Him or to all humanity. That’s why His agápe love commands are painlessly achievable and not burdensome in the least bit. We can love God and others the way God loves us, because He first loved us enough to decide He would give us a part of His nature and His character.

Getting Paid for Paying It Forward

02 Tuesday Apr 2013

Posted by Rev. Nadine Drayton-Keen in Spiritual

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

act of kindness, altruistic, applause, attention, fame, good deeds, hypocrites, money, pay it forward, praise, publicity, reward, social movement

Be especially careful when you are trying to be good so that you don’t make a performance out of it. It might be good theater, but the God who made you won’t be applauding. When you do something for someone else, don’t call attention to yourself. You’ve seen them in action, I’m sure—‘playactors’ I call them—treating prayer meeting and street corner alike as a stage, acting compassionate as long as someone is watching, playing to the crowds. They get applause, true, but that’s all they get. When you help someone out, don’t think about how it looks. Just do it—quietly and unobtrusively. That is the way your God, who conceived you in love, working behind the scenes, helps you out. ~ Matthew 6:1-4, MSG

Doing good deeds for good deeds’ sake should be the motive of every loving and caring person. Doing good deeds for a reward (for money, publicity, or fame) defeats the purpose of doing kind acts for others.

The very popular Pay It Forward (2000) movie has influenced millions. Christians and non-Christians worldwide have jumped on the pay it forward bandwagon. Paying it forward means to do a voluntary act of kindness for someone else without expecting that person to return the favor. Instead, he or she is expected to help another person—to pay it forward.

Today, there are numerous television shows and websites created by people who want to share stories about pay-it-forward acts of kindness. For example, in a major American city, there is a local television news station that has a “Pay It Forward” series. Each week, this local news station gives $500.00 to a viewer who, in 60 minutes, has to give the money away to the needy person this chosen viewer initially had to prove was someone who absolutely deserved to be helped.

Now, not only does this news station reward people for their giving, caring, and loving hearts with publicity, a few moments of fame, but also this news station prerecords and then televises the paying it forward process—airs the segment in which a representative from the news station gives $500.00 to a local viewer who then gives the money to a local disadvantaged individual. In other words, the paying it forward deed is not done privately. The news station broadcasts the prerecorded moment when the person the station believed should receive the pay-it-forward $500.00 actually is given the money, and the moment when he or she then gives that money to the individual who is facing some unfavorable circumstances, which means this news station also gets to reveal the specific lack someone is experiencing. In the end, the news station and the actual person who pays it forward both publicly receive immediate praise from countless viewers for an act of kindness that simply has been staged.

People who love to help others who are in need have a commendable characteristic. However, people who do good deeds only because they know they can earn money, publicity, or fame are hypocrites. In Matthew 6:1-2 MSG, Jesus the Christ says:

In other words, the people who publicly do loving and kind acts usually are expecting to be paid back—usually are expecting their reward. That is why the attention these hypocrites draw is their payback/reward (either partial or full).

Changing the world is the end result that the pay it forward social movement hopes to achieve through numerous acts of kindness. This goal is praiseworthy. However, it is ironic that a social movement’s occasional acts of kindness, often done by non-Christians and/or done for selfish reasons like, for example, ratings or viewership, can draw more attention, get more publicity, than the good works that the Body of Christ does on a daily basis.

Be that as it may; the good news for believers is that only what a person does for Jesus the Christ will last! When the Lord judges every act of kindness, each person who has done good deeds will know whether or not what he or she did will come through the fire as pure gold. Ultimately, any act of kindness that is not a genuine selfless act will be consumed and, as the Word of God declares, the doer will suffer loss (see 1 Corinthians 3:10-15). A word to the wise should be sufficient!

Concerning acts of kindness, please read the following blog entry: SHOW KINDNESS ALL THE TIME INSTEAD OF RANDOMLY.