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Tag Archives: oldest son

The Second Anniversary of an Untimely Farewell

02 Thursday May 2019

Posted by Rev. Nadine Drayton-Keen in Heartbreak, Poetry, Tribute

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

2-year anniversary, Ade, anguish, child-loss, comfort, grief, Holy Spirit, homegoing, May 2nd, mini-memoir, Mothers Who Have Lost a Child Club, oldest son, Olumuyiwa Ade Keen, permanent member, raining nonstop, sadness, transitioned, untimely farewells

Today is the second anniversary of the day my oldest son died. What I say in my mini-memoir, Untimely Farewells, about that melancholy May 2 is that I was feeling apprehensive. So:

“…I thought that if I went for a walk that it would calm me. It didn’t. As soon as I started walking, I burst into tears. While wailing, I suddenly blurted out a desperate plea.

“Father,” I sobbed, “please take me, instead of my son. I have lived a relatively long life. He is too young to die. Plus, he needs to be here for his sons and his new grandson. They surely will suffer immensely, if Ade were to die. They can do without me, but not their dad. Please, Father, let Ade live, if that is Your Will. In Jesus’ name, I pray. Amen.”

I prayed similar prayers during that twenty or thirty-minute walk, as well as throughout that day. Still, my uneasiness continued to intensify; so much so, that by six o’clock in the evening I felt too sick to be around my family — my younger son, his wife, and their children — so I went to bed.

By now, my entire body seemed to know that Ade was dying. That was why all I wanted to do was to escape that unbearable truth by sleeping my hurt away. I had not been asleep all that long before Tarik was sitting next to me on my bed, shaking me, and begging me to “wake up.” He repeated his plea. “Please wake up, Mom. You have to wake up, now.” It was 7:50 p.m., my time.

Awake but a bit fuzzy, I asked Tarik, “Why do I need to wake up,” and before he could say “Ade is gone, Mom,” I already knew it. I immediately started crying, while simultaneously trying to push Tarik away and asking, aloud, “Why, God, why?” However, Tarik wouldn’t let me pull away from him. We cried together in each other’s arms.” (pp. 172-173)

That day, I joined a club that mothers everywhere hope they will never have to join. I became a permanent member of the Mothers Who Have Lost a Child club. What I also say in my mini-memoir is it is unfortunate that “…even though I eventually could rejoice with God that Ade was no longer suffering pain, I couldn’t avoid grieving his loss” (p. 182).

Two years later, I am still grieving the loss of my son, Olumuyiwa Ade Keen. Even though I am not, nor have I ever been, paralyzed by a deep-seated depression, I do feel sad at times, even more so on days like today.

Many grief experts have come up with their own list of things a grieving person can do that supposedly will help him or her deal with the anniversary of a loved one’s death, but the truth is nothing and no human being can get me through today. Only the Holy Spirit can comfort me while helping me deal with Ade’s death, and He is doing just that. Thank You, Holy Spirit!

I wrote the following poem in August of 2017. It is about the anguish and sadness losing Ade has made me feel. I originally posted this poem on August 13, 2017, in one of my WordPress blog articles. At that time, I noted that this poem was from my “Deep-Rooted Disposition” manuscript. “Moody Woman” is now the title of that same manuscript. Once again, here is my poem:

Raining Nonstop in My Heart
 
 
Human life comes with no magical number –
Threescore years and ten not guaranteed to
Everyone into whom the Breath of Life is breathed,
Putting within all living souls an eternal soul –
An endless spiritual dimension of humanity.
 
Yet long-life promise Command is figurative –
At best, most days are long in Promised Lands
But years are far shorter than the psalmist’s seventy
Briefer still for countless parents’ beloved sons
Or daughters they received from Indian Giver:
Grief’s irate criticism of living souls’ Creator.
 
Heartache cosigns divers pejorative expressions –
Death makes them intensely strange bedfellows;
Thankfully, God’s Love covers a multitude of mindsets
Dead set on using finger pointing to hide the pain
That mentally fighting noxious emotional wounds  
Deepens as human nature ignores Spirit’s Healing.
 
Child-loss pain is without equal, unlike none other –
Uniquely categorized since it betters bereavements’
Other types, triggering rawest ever-conceived anger that
Wages war against the unfairness of it all, hardening
Hearts reluctant to see collateral beauty around them
Uninterrupted by undying love that sets off joy and hope.
 
Domino effect doesn’t just signify a future disaster –
It illustrates how love that is in the middle of all life
Is hearts’ forever falling domino concurrently connecting
By coupling each toppled one to grief, pain, suffering,
Loss, or varied other ripples, including death, as they
Form rings around unending love’s collateral beauty.
 
Even so, diabetes monkey wrenched my life –  
This pre-existing condition snuffed out
Olumuyiwa’s candle short of my often prayed for
Long-life plan for my eldest son whose
Given name means: ‘God provides this.’
 
I’m sure Ade, denoting ‘my crown,’ will get his –
For my strong soldier fought the hardest battles;
Still my heart misses its vital piece needed to fix these
Throbbing, flip-flopping, pounding, skipping beat
Irregular rhythms’ agonizingly irksome hiccups.
 
They’re from regularly reran videos of his life –
He’s infant, teen, adult; optimist then pessimist;
He’s laughing, speaking, leaving, returning, then dying
In my head’s wirelessly streamed detailed scenes
Of jubilation and desolation that wear me down.
 
Every interlude between reruns baits my fear –
Cruel taunts make me believe I have begun to
Forget the strong-willed, handsome, animated part
Of me that died, living now only in memories
Daydreams summon instantly without delay.
 
Losing Olumuyiwa unlocked soulish floodgates –
Now it’s heavily raining nonstop in my old heart,
Wet monsoons from an overflowing waterlogged soul;
Life is surreal like I’m imprisoned and dying in
The center of a floating no locks, no bars vast
Airless gravity-defying water designed bubble.
 
Losing Olumuyiwa aftereffect is canyon in heart –
This too wide to close gap prevents me from ever
Being same person, since grief has no expiration date –
Just a myriad of sadness and hopelessness tides
That confirm uncomfortable truth: he’s not here.
 

This second anniversary of Ade’s death is very significant. Thanks to Father God, Christ, and the Holy Spirit, I have done something, which on May 2, 2017, I didn’t think it would have ever been possible. I have survived two whole years without my oldest son, who was and still is someone as enormously important to me as life itself.

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First Anniversary of Ade’s Death

02 Wednesday May 2018

Posted by Rev. Nadine Drayton-Keen in Heartbreak, Tribute

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

1-Year Anniversary, Ade, critique, death, diabetes, Heaven, l, memoir, mother-son bond, mother-son relationship, mother-son separations, new book, oldest son, Olumuyiwa, pain-free, resting in the Lord, ultimate separation, untimely farewells

Ade's Senior Picture 1990 001-2-3

Olumuyiwa Ade Keen 

April 30, 1972 – May 2, 2017

He always comes alongside us to comfort us in every suffering so that we can come alongside those who are in any painful trial. We can bring them this same comfort that [YeHoVaH] has poured out upon us. And just as we experience the abundance of [Yeshua HaMashiach’s] own sufferings, even more of [YeHoVaH’s] comfort will cascade upon us through our union with [Yeshua HaMashiach].

If troubles weigh us down, that just means that we will receive even more comfort to pass on to you for your deliverance! For the comfort pouring into us empowers us to bring comfort to you. And with this comfort upholding you, you can endure victoriously the same suffering that we experience. ~ 2 Corinthians 1:4-6, TPT

I have been up all night—not because I was worried about how I will handle today. I have been up all night, because I was making some very minor revisions to my memoir. Praise Good!

It’s amazing how God had me working on my memoir, starting last night and ending early this morning.  It is no coincidence that my manuscript focuses on the many times Ade and I have been separated—all our untimely farewells, including the ultimate separation.

Where Ade is concerned, his ultimate separation happened on May 2, 2017. It didn’t take this first anniversary long to get here. It really seems like Ade went home to be with the Lord just yesterday.

I couldn’t visit Ade’s earthly resting place in person, but I am definite there in Spirit. I know he knows how much I love him and miss him. Those are messages I can send from wherever I may be in this world on any given May 2nd.  Still, in my absence, I would love it if his grave is adorned with beautiful flowers that are from the family.

In addition to the flowers and the narrative that I have dedicated to Ade, I plan to look at many pictures of my son today. I am sure there will be some photos that will make me cry, but so far today I’ve only been smiling.

Ade's Gravesite1-1,jpg

For this one-year anniversary of Ade’s death, I am re-posting the poem I wrote for his homegoing service’s program. As I say in my memoir, this poem captures my understanding of the God-kind of Hope He gives to parents who have lost a child. My poem is as follows:

 

Just Sleeping: Only Believe

Nothing in life happens by chance
Neither by accident nor happenstance;
The Fates can’t override providence
Or replace it with inevitable dominance.

Destiny may be written on some stars
But only Creator knows how long ours
Has until we are snuffed like a candle—
On the fade to black shut-eye channel.

Death brags with no reason to be proud
For he claims no life God hasn’t allowed;
Sorrows touch humans for many reasons
But He who changes times and seasons
Raises the sleeping; changes bad to good,
And upgrades His aggrieved to sainthood.

The saints who still move and still breathe
Must exercise the faith needed to believe
They’ll see their gone-home family again
Healed from all misery, illness, and pain.

 

 

Ade was 24 years old when he was diagnosed with Diabetes. From that day forward, most of his adult life was full of excruciating pain, yet he never complained. I truly am thankful to God that Ade is no longer in pain, but because on Earth grief has no expiration date my pain won’t ever end.

On this May 2, 2018, I am sending up this message on the Wings of The Dove:

I miss you, Ade. I love you, Ade. I think about you, Ade. I won’t ever forget you, Ade.

 

Love,

 

Your MOM . . . . .

 

 

P.S.

 

Here is a critique of my soon to be published new book, Lord willing. This book is my memoir that I plan to give the title of Untimely Farewells. The critique is as follows:

 

“This is a beautiful and moving story that depicts the ups and downs of a wonderful family, and the relational interactions between each member; especially between the mother and her 1st born son. It is obvious that the mother-son relationship is of utmost importance and you do an exceptional job of painting a verbal portrait of this.

The writing is done well and the story also flows well.  There is a cohesiveness and a natural flow to the content.” ~ Desireé Harris-Bonner, MBA

Managing Partner

#Spiritual Midwife for Emerging Authors

DHBonner Virtual Solutions, LLC

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March 7 & 8 Have Dampened My Birthday

04 Sunday Mar 2018

Posted by Rev. Nadine Drayton-Keen in Heartbreak

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

bedridden, birthday, born day, Clarence W. Drayton, dad, death, festive, Heartbreak, hurting, joyless, jubilant, March 6, March 7 & 8, oldest son, Olumuyiwa Ade Keen, racked with pain, ruined, sad reminders, sorrow, struggling

March 7 & 8 Dampend Birthday

 

When a woman gives birth, she has a hard time, there’s no getting around it. But when the baby is born, there is joy in the birth. This new life in the world wipes out memory of the pain. The sadness you have right now is similar to that pain, but the coming joy is also similar. When I see you again, you’ll be full of joy, and it will be a joy no one can rob from you. You’ll no longer be so full of questions. ~ John 16:21-23a, MSG

 

Around this time each year, as March 6 approaches, I begin agonizing. I am not struggling because March 6 is my birthday. Moreover, I am not struggling because I am afraid of getting older. I welcome old age.

I am struggling because, since 1996, what should be a joyous occasion for me has been dampened by my thoughts of the now two sad events that closely follow my born day. These two events involve my dad and my oldest son.

The day after my 45th birthday, which was in 1996, my dad died. Then last year, two days after my 66th birthday, Ade became bedridden. He died in Kindred Hospital – Greensboro just two days after his 45th birthday. For these reasons, I am not looking forward to my birthday.

Although I am certain that my dad and my son are in Heaven, this assurance is not what first comes to mind. Before this year’s birthday, I used to hurt so much from the reminder that another anniversary of my dad’s passing was drawing near. 

Today, I am racked with a triple dose of pain, and that is because, in addition to the pain that was triggered by my dad’s last-day reminder, the pain that was triggered by Ade’s final-hospitalization reminder doubled once thoughts of the upcoming first anniversary of his May 2nd death manifested. In other words, I am truly hurting.

The pain I feel today is why I will not be in a celebratory mood on March 6. To be honest, I am not sure if I will ever have a truly festive born day, again.

 

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For My Son, Olumuyiwa Ade Keen . . . In Loving Memory

03 Wednesday May 2017

Posted by Rev. Nadine Drayton-Keen in Tribute

≈ 8 Comments

Tags

blessing, child, death, died, gift from God, gifted, good-natured, grieve, homegoing, in loving memory, infectious smile, loss, oldest son, outlive, parents, pearly whites, rejoice, rest in peace, Son, talented, until we meet again

David prayed desperately to God for the little boy. He fasted, wouldn’t go out, and slept on the floor. The elders in his family came in and tried to get him off the floor, but he wouldn’t budge. Nor could they get him to eat anything. On the seventh day the child died. David’s servants were afraid to tell him. They said, “What do we do now? While the child was living he wouldn’t listen to a word we said. Now, with the child dead, if we speak to him there’s no telling what he’ll do.”

                                                . . .

David got up from the floor, washed his face and combed his hair, put on a fresh change of clothes, then went into the sanctuary and worshiped. Then he came home and asked for something to eat. They set it before him and he ate.

His servants asked him, “What’s going on with you? While the child was alive you fasted and wept and stayed up all night. Now that he’s dead, you get up and eat.”

“While the child was alive,” he said, “I fasted and wept, thinking God might have mercy on me and the child would live. But now that he’s dead, why fast? Can I bring him back now? I can go to him, but he can’t come to me.” ~ 2 Samuel 12:16-18, 20-23, MSG

He just turned forty-five on Sunday, April 30th. On Tuesday evening, he was gone. In less than 48 hours, I experienced the most extraordinary loss that a parent would ever face—the death of a child.

My oldest son, Olumuyiwa Ade Keen, is with the Lord now, and while I know he is in a much better place, losing him is the most traumatic experience I have ever had to encounter. Needless to say, I am definitely one of those parents who truly believes that parents should never outlive their children. However, as I was reminded earlier Tuesday evening, God makes no mistakes.

It was time for my son to go home and be with the Lord. Even though his diabetes claimed his life this evening, I rejoice in knowing that my God is not done with my son. Thank You, Jesus, for Your Gift of eternal life.

Ade, I will always remember that sweetest and most infectious smile of yours—when you were flashing your pearly whites. Additionally, every time I look at one of your three sons or your only grandson, I will always be reminded of how you were a loving dad and granddaddy. I also will always be reminded of how you were such a good-natured person.  Lastly, whenever I am listening to a song that I know you would love to sample, I will always remember how talented and gifted you were as a lyricist and rapper.  

Your dad, Maynard, and I are grieving right now, and we probably will be grieving for a while.  Nevertheless, as we told you so many times in your life, Father God richly blessed us when He gave us you. That is why, even in our current sadness we can rejoice over your homegoing, for we know one day we will come to you and be with you eternally. For now, we are glad that we told you and showed you countless times just how much we love you.

We—your brother (Tarik), your sons (DaShede, Darius, and Rayshen), your grandson (Kayden), your dad (Maynard), and I (your mom, Nadine)—will love you forever, Ade. We also will miss you dearly.

Here is the latest poem—a haiku—that I wrote Sunday for Ade’s 45th birthday:

No matter how old
My child you’ll forever be –
Life’s greatest blessing.

OLUMUYIWA ADE KEEN (April 30, 1972 – May 2, 2017)

Rest in peace, my son . . . until we meet again.

The obituary for my son, Olumuyiwa, which follows his homegoing services’ program, is posted in the Martinsville Bulletin.

Ade's Funeral Program

KEEN

Olumuyiwa Ade

 

Olumuyiwa Ade Keen, 45, of Martinsville, Va., passed away on Tuesday, May 2, 2017, at Kindred Hospital in Greensboro, North Carolina. He had been in declining health for the last several months. He was born to Maynard and Nadine Keen on April 30, 1972, in Spokane, Washington.

Mr. Keen lived at Laurel Park community in Martinsville, Va. most of his life, and he graduated from Laurel Park High School, class of 1990. He was a disabled United States Navy veteran. His hobby was writing and mixing music, and he was affectionately nicknamed “Puzzles,” “Telecommunications,” and “Schematics. He grew up a member of Moral Hill Missionary Baptist Church in Axton, Virginia.

He was preceded in death by his paternal grandmother, Helen W. Keen; and his maternal grandparents, Clarence and Lucille W. Drayton.

He is survived by his three sons, DaShede and Darius Keen of Norfolk, Va., Rayshen Robertson of Axton, Va.; parents, Maynard Keen (Sandra) of Greensboro, N.C. and Nadine Drayton-Keen of Glendale, Az.; grandson, Kayden Ade Keen of Norfolk, Va,; brother, Tarik Keen (Kimberly) of Glendale, Az.; and paternal grandfather, Wash Keen of Axton, Virginia, along with a legion of cousins; aunts; uncles; and friends.

 

The family will meet at the church Fellowship Hall at 10:15 a.m. and will receive friends at the church starting at 10:30 a.m. Funeral services will be held on Tuesday, May 9, 2017, at 11 a.m. at Moral Hill Missionary Baptist Church, Axton, Virginia with Dr. Thurman O. Echols Jr. Interment will follow in the Keen family cemetery in Axton, Virginia.

Arrangements are entrusted to Hairston Funeral Home at 301 Fayette Street, Martinsville, Virginia 24112.

Just Sleeping: Only Believe

Nothing in life happens by chance
Neither by accident nor happenstance;
The Fates can’t override providence
Or replace it with inevitable dominance.

Destiny may be written on some stars
But only Creator knows how long ours
Has until we are snuffed like a candle—
On the fade to black shut-eye channel.

Death brags with no reason to be proud
For he claims no life God hasn’t allowed;
Sorrows touch humans for many reasons
But He who changes times and seasons
Raises the sleeping; changes bad to good,
And upgrades His aggrieved to sainthood.

The saints who still move and still breathe
Must exercise the faith needed to believe
They’ll see their gone-home family again
Healed from all misery, illness, and pain.

~ by Nadine Drayton-Keen

Composed May 5, 2017, for my son’s homegoing services’ program

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Rev. Nadine Drayton-Keen

Sanctified Child

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